I always thought that pregnancy consisted of just a few days: the day you find out your pregnant, the day you get your first picture of the baby, the day you have your baby shower and the day you deliver. I’ve gleaned this very scientific information from quality sources such as Facebook and movies… if there isn’t a status update about a part of your pregnancy, it doesn’t matter. What no one tells you (or maybe you just refuse to read in the pages of the pregnancy book you’re supposed to be reading) is that there are days between those days. They may not consist of other memorable moments like morning sickness or baby’s first hiccups, but they’re still really full.
What they’re full of is this: What the hell am I going to do with a baby? Was that a baby kick or just gas (and should I ask about this in a Facebook status)? Shouldn’t there be a test or process to determine whether or not you should even be allowed to have a baby in the first place? And why didn’t I know that I have to option to breast feed AND bottle feed and why am I just finding that out? Along with that one comes this question: WHY ARE THERE SO MANY TYPES OF BOTTLES IN BABIES R US?! I need an expert to walk through the aisles with me to tell me what everything is for.
They’re also full of crazy scenarios like: What if my baby is a
dwarf midget small person (and is that even politically correct)? What if it doesn’t turn out exactly how I’d hoped? What if baby O doesn’t like me? I know, those of who you know me see the ludicrousness in that last statement; I’m awesome, how could anyone not like me? But still, it could happen.
The truth is, I have very little experience with babies. The most experience I have with diapers is that a few years ago, my puppies got colitis (you can look that up) and I had to go get them regular diapers and cut holes into them for their tails. Shockingly, not the diapers or the newspaper that covered my apartment floor was enough to combat their issue. What I was able to do was cook food for the puppies so that they’d get better sooner. Maybe I will feed baby O enough high fiber food so that there are less messy diapers? I know, not likely.
I’m not even sure I can burp a baby properly. When I see my best friend of 22 years, Amber, with a baby, she seems so incredibly at ease…and she has no children. I think I need someone to loan me a baby for a few days to make sure I don’t kill it.
We’re doing gender reveal pictures today with http://www.forevermomentspa.com, so I will put some of them up as soon as I get them back and we can stop with this whole “baby O” nonsense Wish me luck